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*insert click bait here

facebook-evolution

I just scrolled past a friend of mine who posted about a festival in Nepal that honours dogs for their friendship with mankind. Touching right? Not for me. Did you know that Nepal has 974,000 orphans? Nine hundred and seventy-four thousand.That’s not even counting everyone who lives below the poverty line. 974,000 little humans in need of a home, and we’re gonna throw a festival for dogs. *Slow clap* just before this I had typed up a status about how foolish the lack of gun control in America is, with an attached link to an article with statistics to break your heart and a plan to help Congress move faster than molasses in January. Deleted it, didn’t post it. I have a rule: Jesus, family, (genuine) friends, books, blog. If it doesn’t fit into those 5 categories, it doesn’t get posted. This rule is fool proof for me.

I’m tired of Facebook. Shortly after coming home from Kenya I deactivated my account. About 6 months later I reactivated it. Not actually sure what it is I thought I was missing.. having an active account for only a month and a bit has already exhausted me.

I’m tired of the commercialization of it all. For every post there is an ad. Or two. Or three. Sometimes, ironically, my friend’s posts are ads. We’ve become so accustomed to it we don’t even see it anymore – not really. But I’m tired of “keeping in touch” with companies, not friends.

I’m tired of the drama. Let me just get this said: There is literally nothing in me that wants to read about how upset you are because some cashier messed something up. Wanna know why? I am the cashier. I am the janitor, the house maid, the bar keep. I’ve stocked shelves and done dishes and taken orders and pruned plants. I have been dealing with customer service crap for almost five years now, and let me tell you, it’s such a pleasure to come home, jump on Facebook and see your astonishment! and disgust! that another human being! could make a mistake! clearly they don’t know how to be perfect! like you! Actually all that status does is remind me of the nasty customer I had earlier that day. All it does is make me wonder about what status was written about my mistake. It also makes me curious as to why we are friends? Ah yes, Facebook’s one great victory: the “unfollow” option.

I’m tired of the ignorance. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen some snide comment or “funny” meme (ha. ha. racial slurs, sexism, homophobia, you name it, Facebook is a breeding ground for it.) and I type out a response, trying to say with as much grace as possible, “You’re wrong, please leave the Internet and do not return.” Inevitably, I back space and scroll past it, because a commented response is far more likely to arm a trigger happy opportunist than it is to change their mind. People are not using Facebook to learn about the world, they are using it to superimpose their worldview onto the rest of us. And more often than not, it’s the worldview of bigot, and I’m tired of that too.

I’m tired of the superficiality of Facebook.

“Oh my gosh you’re so pretty!”

“Oh my gosh I’m only pretty because you’re so beautiful!”

Barf. I’m actually barfing. Every time I read that, more barf. Seriously though.. no longer do we commend intelligence, revere hard work, or celebrate each others’ successes. Everything is posted with precision. The highlight reel of the perfect life to drive our friends to envy and reduce them to fake, flowering words so that we don’t have to face what’s actually happening in our world. *Buy* the way, where did you get those shoes?!

Speaking of shoes, I’m tired of walking on eggshells. My heart is broken over the continued and increased racially-motivated hate crimes, but I don’t dare post anything; I am white. I am sick of murders at the hands of guns. Not sick, actually, I am disgusted. I am filled with hateful spite; at the mere thought of all the pointless deaths caused by tiny flying pieces of metal, I become a rage monster. But I have one too many Texan friends that love to hunt, so I don’t post any of that. I appreciate my government and the free health care I receive, but the election is amping up in the States, and I don’t want a Conservative vs Liberal war on my wall, so I don’t say anything about that either. I’d rather the Church spend its time loving our neighbours than gossiping about Caitlyn Jenner, but Lord KNOWS I won’t touch that with a ten foot pole. I’m tired. Free speech has in fact robbed me of the desire to say anything at all.

I’m tired of social media being a substitute for socialization. “Liking” a photo is not loving a person. I’m tired of no one reaching out to me, but mostly I’m tired that it’s my own fault. If I were watching my highlight reel, I’d probably make the same assumption that I don’t need reaching out to, too. This train of thought always starts me on the panic cycle: who else am I missing? Who is slipping through the cracks as they decorate their wall with photos and smiling emojis and funny statuses, who is desperately in need while repeatedly broadcasting that they are fine. Better than fine, they’re “great!”

I’m tired of “can you Facebook me?” Otherwise known as the epitome of social laziness and ineptitude. Yes I can Facebook you, but no I don’t want to. I want you to pay attention now. I want you to write down the details, to show an interest in what I am telling you. I want you to come because I invited you, not because so and so is coming.

I’m tired of Facebook official. Tired of watching the vultures circle overhead, waiting to devour the happy couple in platitudes and well wishes, while secretly hoping for a show. When did this become a thing, anyway? Why is it only official if its on Facebook? It’s official because you say it is. It’s official because you’re doing life together, not because you were in the most photos with that person this year.

I’m tired of 50% of my conversations with others being centred around some article that someone posted on someone else’s wall. Tired of talking about that photo, that video, that song. I was hyper sensitive of this when I wasn’t on Facebook because half of the time I had no clue what was going on. It was so frustrating and alienating that I finally caved and reactivated my Facebook account.

Oh MAN am I sick of Facebook birthdays. Do any of you even know when my birthday is? I don’t know when yours is. I wish I could say I was sorry, but I can hardly keep track of my family’s, let alone my 600 some friends. On that note.. Not sure how I acquired so many friends, but I do know I’m too lazy to comb through the politics and social suicides I would have to commit to trim the list. Do you know how many friends I have in real life? Like people I trust and confide in? 11. 6 of which are family members. 1 lives in Kenya. Another lives in Texas. 3 here with me. 11 people on this earth that I truly and completely love and respect and trust: who are the other 589 people?! Why are you telling me happy birthday?! Oh right, because it’s only like 12 letters long and one click away.. I especially love the “HBD” posts. That’s it? Why bother?

Okay I should stop. I will now hit “publish” so that this blog can be launched into the void that is the World Wide Web, and then I will post it on my Facebook wall so that people will read it. The irony is not lost on me.

Go love someone in real life. Meanwhile, I shall attempt to tame the raging cynic in me. I promise not to write blogs rants at 1:45 in the morning henceforth.

mag

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